It's a pretty good story, guys.
So I have this thing. May be other people do this too. I tend to fluctuate between wishing that the past would repeat itself and being terrified that it actually will. I also can be really hard on myself and I get really overwhelmed by my mistakes. Turns out, I'm super-duper human (one could also say "super-duper average" but that doesn't really make sense) and therefore, I have problems.
Dangit.
Which leads us to Phase 1: Move to Virginia
When you google "Virginia landscape photo" this is the first photo to come up. I'm about to whine a bit about moving back here which, as you can see, is a little ridiculous. Now, back to my issues and fascinating history.
All of these neurosis really came into play with my move back to VA last year. I was leaving a fulfilling place with wonderful friends to go back to Buena Vista; a place I loved but I was completely blind as to what may be awaiting me back in the Beev. It was painful and very scary and so unknown. There were many things I was leaving that were honestly gut-wrenchingly difficult to say goodbye to and things I was about to drive to that I wasn't sure I wanted to face.
On an unrelated but worthwhile note, this very helpful document has informed me that I spelled "gut-wrenchingly" wrong and I probably meant "gut-enchantingly". I did not mean that and I'm not changing it.
Anyway, I'm not sure this is making sense. Basically , it was the battle of dreading certain things being over for good and wishing other things would be over for good, but thinking that they're probably not. Is this hitting home for anyone? Can you think of a better way to articulate it? If so, feel free to share!
So I moved. I was mad that I couldn't just have faith/hope and be happy about everything all the time always everyday, but I was overwhelmingly grateful for the many wonderful memories and experiences I'd had, and for the many trees and loving family eagerly waiting for me in Virginia. It was alright... it was terrifying and sad... but it was alright.
Phase 2: Love of Names Utilized to Alleviate Boredom in a Celtic Shop
I got a job in a Celtic Shop. It was actually pretty fun. I loved learning about this area of history and also the many interesting people I met. But sometimes it could get really boring (like Numbers. See previous post). Then I was trained on how to use the shop's fancy-pants system to research Armorials.
This is an Armorial. It's a piece of paper that contains information about your family name; the first recording of the name, the Country of origin, your coat of arms, famous people with your name, and the motto of your family if they had one. Now, I happen to LOVE names. They have always been incredibly significant to me and so reading the history of different names was really enjoyable. I looked up pretty much everyone I could think of (yes, you are most likely included in that group). My favorite part were the mottos. How fascinating is it that people hundreds of years ago chose a phrase to define their family at that time and throughout history? Some of my favorites were "To be rather than to seem" "We, the conquerors" and other very Celtic-y inspiring phrases.
The Bouchelle name, however, has no motto. Very disappointing. But my middle name is Tabor after my paternal Grandmother's side of the family. My middle name has always been special to me, though not for any really particular reasons that I could articulate. I looked up the Tabor family name and found the following listed as their motto:
soles occidere et redire possunt
Lovely, right? But also Latin, which I had to look up. When I did, this is what I found as the translation:
Suns may set yet rise again
Phase 3: Bam! Life Lesson Learned!
Um....Guess what. Life is full of phases. Suns absolutely do set. Situations change, people leave, opportunities go by, plans go unrealized, and good things evolve over time! Not saying they're no longer good, but life if fluid and no matter how hard we try to keep that darn sun from setting, it will inevitably go down.
But! Doesn't the sun rise again? Don't we often turn around in the most confusing moments of our lives only to find small instances of joy? Don't we wake up each day with a new unknown full of promise? Yes, yes we do. So get up! Rise! Of course, we fail and we struggle and we fall and those times when I have failed to make the most of things tend to weigh heavily on me. Then here's the double meaning to the Tabor motto. Life can seem final, can't it? Yet Rise Again. It can seem hopeless, can't it? Yet Rise Again. It can be lonely and draining and there are times when you just keep getting hit. Yet Rise Again! Isn't that beautiful?
Here's a practical application of this concept:
Today I skyped with one of the people I miss the most in Utah. She is
four and basically awesome. Skyping with her today was just a reminder
for me that yes, things change, suns set, but guess what? They don't
stay that way. Just because I left people I love that doesn't mean those
relationships can't progress and grow. I did not, however, share with my four-year-old friend the lessons learned from my ancestors Latin motto. We talked mostly about princesses and avocados. Far more important.
Yet Rise Again has been a symbol for me of hope and courage and vulnerability and trust and teachability. (My computer has just informed me "Teachability" is not a word. Perhaps I mean "gut-enchantingly"?) I have said it to myself countless times over the past year and it has been one of the main influences in this time at home being such a positive experience. Because surprise, surprise, the big scary thing has turned out to be a wonderful decision.
Redire. Rise. What a powerful word.
